The Worst DIY Ever

We’ve begun making a minuscule dent on the 14 encyclopedias worth of home improvement projects that need to be completed around here. Starting with tearing out roomfuls of icky, old carpet and refinishing the original wood floors.

I would not wish this punishment on my worst enemy. It was, in a word, Awful.

We made our way over to the local Home Depot one bright, early morn to rent their finest industrial floor sander. Which by the way, you are not able to reserve ahead of time. You just have to hope they have one available on the day you wish to start your project. As if sanding every square inch of your home is something you'd do on a whim.

"Hey spouse, I was thinking we could hit up Whole Foods today."

"Oh really, I was hoping that you might feel like emptying the contents of our entire house, making arrangements for our needy pets, staying up until an ungodly hour doing back breaking work whilst eating terrible take-out. But I guess we can go to Whole Foods."

Back on the narrowest of tracks.

To prepare, we had watched every season of Ask This Old House and about 16,000 YouTube videos on how to refinish a floor (seriously, what did DIY home renovators do before YouTube, read books?!)

We got home and the sanding began. We sanded.

And sanded.

And sanded some more.

And cursed the 1970s for their love of all things ugly.

We sanded for TWELVE HOURS STRAIGHT. Do not be fooled by these photos. I know they make it seem like Gunnar was doing all of the work but I assure you, I was not eating bon bons on the couch. I was in charge of detail sanding (far worse than operating this modern contraption) and had the bruises to prove it.

We fueled up on cheap beer and crappy Hy-Vee Chinese. Then sanded some more. I got this fortune, which seemed more like a punch in the face at the time. This home was not as “wonderful” as it seemed.

When it was all said and done, They. Looked. Amazing. Okay. They just look okay. Most certainly not perfect but nothing a few strategically placed rugs can’t camouflage. At least no one will be asking us to help refinish their floors next weekend. Seriously. Don’t even think about asking.