HGTV Sucks

Source: http://awfulpeopleonhousehunters.tumblr.com/

Okay not really. I actually quite like HGTV, but am I the only one who finds herself screaming at the Property Brothers like pretty much every episode?

Property Brothers: “Well if you buy a house that’s $40,000 under budget then you can spend all of that money on renovations!”

Nope. You can’t. That’s not how this works. If the bank is so kind to lend you the money, they certainly won’t be throwing in another $40K to install that steam shower you’ve always wanted.

Source: http://awfulpeopleonhousehunters.tumblr.com/

And House Hunters is the worst. Ugh. That show really drives me to drink.

Every couple on House Hunters: “Well the house is great but sigh. I HATE this paint color.”

Are you kidding me? You’re kidding me, right?

Even more obnoxious House Hunters couple: “Well I don’t like the layout of this room but that’s okay, we could knock out this wall, move this wall over here…”

No.

No.

No.

No.

NO!

Source: http://awfulpeopleonhousehunters.tumblr.com/

Take it from an “expert” who’s owned exactly one house (so seriously, what do I know?), HGTV is full of &%$#.

A few kernels of wisdom for you.

You can’t renovate a kitchen in six weeks and you especially can’t renovate a kitchen, living room, bathroom AND master bedroom in six weeks. That is beyond ridiculous.

Moving and removing walls is INCREDIBLY expensive and at times impossible if you desire a house that actually stands upright.

Oh, and not everyone wants granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. Stop the madness, HGTV!

Treasure Hunting in Lincoln, NE

There are a lot of reasons I'm lucky to live in Lincoln, Nebraska.

ONE. I work for a really awesome organization.

TWO. Honest Abe's is here.

THREE. Lincoln has KILLER places for thrifting and antique shopping. Truly. Some of the very best.

Here are a few of my absolute favorites. If you live in Lincoln and like looking at beautiful things, I recommend checking these guys out and at the very least, following them on Facebook and Instagram.

LOFT AND CRAFT

Hands down my fave. Among other things, I scored the gorgeous insect prints above our sofa there. The beautiful ladies that run this place have a lovely story and on top of that, impeccable taste.

HOME & CLOSET

A very close second. Home & Closet has great prices and as if that weren’t enough, groovy vintage clothing! Like Loft and Craft, they keep their inventory well managed and beautifully curated so you don’t feel completely overwhelmed, a common complaint of mine with many second hand shops!

VINTAGE VILLAGE ANTIQUE MALL

Lovely place but you tend to get that overwhelmed, claustrophobic feeling here. There’s A LOT to look at. A big BUUUUT, I’ve had major luck here with antique dishes and little knicky knocking pieces, so definitely worth your precious, precious time.

AARDVARK ANTIQUE MALL

This place is ginormous. You could literally spend all day there and not see everything. They have a good mix of all eras from super duper old stuff to Mid Century Modern (my jam!)

BOON FOUND & MADE

Lastly but not leastly, Boon Found & Made has erratic hours and it’s pricey but holy #$%* they have stunning stuff. They do a lot of repairing, refinishing and reupholstering too, which is why their merchandise tends to be on the higher end of the price spectrum.

What say you fellow Lincolnites? Any awesome places I’m missing? Do tell!

Try Planting These in Your Nebraska Garden Next Spring

Our first garden hasn’t been a miserable failure. Quite the contrary actually. And in the past couple of weeks especially this thing has REALLY taken off. With the exception of a few things – beets, carrots, I’m giving you both my stinkiest side eye, you miserable excuses for garden vegetables.

Here are a few things you might consider planting in your Midwest garden next spring with a special shout out to my fellow Nebraskans!

Okra – When Gunnar first brought this home I thought, “Okay weirdo. Have fun with that one,” but after doing a little research I’m actually super excited to start harvesting it. You can make some killer stews and gumbos with okra AND it’s a natural thickening agent (not to mention crazy healthy). How cool is that?!

Bok Choy – The Malek-Madani household is bananas for bok choy. We eat A LOT of it. I had never heard of anyone growing it around here, not even my dad who is the Yoda of Garden Masters, but we tried it anyway and met great success. Just plant it early in the season – it likes it cool!

Swiss Chard – hands down the best thing we planted and it is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Swiss chard was the first thing we were able to harvest and as long as you respect it and don’t hack all of its leaves off (Gunnar claims I do this), you will enjoy it well into the fall, raw or cooked, it’s great both ways!

Eggplant – Do you like eggplant? I LOOOVVE eggplant. It’s one that I constantly get asked about at the grocery store (“Is this a zucchini?”) so I’m assuming that means Nebraskans don’t necessarily love it as much as I do. Well I’m going to change that. Because it’s friggin’ delicious and loves Nebraska soil and weather.

Armenian Cucumber – we planted this by total mistake because we are idiots and assumed that something called “cucumber” would actually be a cucumber. WRONG! It’s a melon… that tastes just like a cucumber and looks a lot like a cucumber. Again, I did a little research and apparently some are even calling it “the cucumber of the future.” You heard it here first. Well actually you heard it here second. They were first. But it’s perfect for quick refrigerator and countertop pickles!

Any gardeners out there? What am I missing on this list? And don’t tell me carrots and beets because they don’t grow here, people!

Basement Inspiration

Our basement renovation got pushed up a few years thanks to the most terrifying torrential downpour of my lifetime a few months ago. The basement carpet got completely soaked which, if you’ve never had the pleasure, smells a little like death and a lot like a locker room full of middle school boys who just hit puberty. It is not pleasant.

Luckily my sweet, patient and very strong husband tore it all out when I was at work. In his words, “You would’ve barfed.” I don’t doubt that for one second. My gag reflex is even stronger than my need for acceptance.

Needless to say, I’ve been doing a lot of pinning lately in an attempt to find some basement inspiration.

We’ve been going back and forth on whether or not to paint the wood paneling. Sometimes I’m all for it, other times (lately especially), I think we should just embrace the groovy 1960s vibes and go all Blast From the Past nuclear fallout shelter with it. I mean it was Brendon Fraser's only good movie.

Source: dougandgenemeyer.com

Come on! How cool does this wood paneling look?

Source: flickriver.com

 More awesome wood paneling. Killer furniture and rad artwork, too.

Source: NYTimes.com

 Recognize this mod dream? The New York apartment of Mr. and Mrs. Donald Draper, of course!

Source: dailymail.co.uk

 Loving everything about this. Particularly that fireplace!

Source: ilovedomestica.com

And lusting over all of the yummy colors here. Note that it looks like they opted to paint their paneling.

So what do you think? Let the 60s live on or bring it into the 2010s? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

$0 Sofa Makeover

Alternate Title: My best Craigslist find EVER.

Anyone who loves vintage and retro furniture (me! MEEEE!!!) knows that:

1.     The best treasures always show up when you least expect it.

2.     You will NEVER find the things you really need, and

3.     You must, must, MUST keep one eyeball on Craigslist at all times.

I don’t make the rules, but I follow them religiously.

Well, I had been doing an extra good job lately and it paid off in a big way. I scored quite possibly the best vintage find of my hoarding career: A stunning vintage Ethan Allen Mid-Century Modern sofa in pumpkin. Pumpkin!!!!

I kid you not, when I went to pick it up, I nearly broke into tears. It was just so. beautiful.

I took her home, aired her out, vacuumed her cushions and got all up under that skirt. Ow! Ow!

And you know what I realized? This pretty lady didn’t want to wear that stuffy, floor grazing skirt anymore. She wanted to show off those legs!!!

And what beautiful gams they were. The most perfect little 1960s stems I ever did see. Not a blemish in sight.

So I grabbed my needle nose pliers and spent the next several hours pulling out every G.D. staple until my fingers bled.

Do you know what people in the 1960s liked even more than drinking stiff cocktails at 10 o'clock in the morning? Staples. They clearly LOVED staples more than anything in the world.

But it was so worth it. Because she’s even more gorgeous than before. And she’s mine. Aaaall mine.

Dirt Cheap Artwork

Someday I will fill my entire house with millions of dollars worth of original artwork. But for now, we're on a budget which means I have to get creative. Here are few dirt cheap art projects hanging up in our place right now.

My girlfriend gave me a beautiful wedding gift (coincidentally the hummingbird print to the left!) wrapped in this amazing handmade wrapping paper. Yup. Wrapping paper. They made for two adorable little prints and you'd never know where they came from!

This one is pretty silly but we love it. Online photo printing websites like Canvas Pop and Shutter Fly are constantly running insane deals on canvas prints. It's personal and dopey and makes me smile every time I see it.

This one just cost me the frame (which I got incredibly cheap at Amazon.com). A local brewery in my city always has killer graphic design and great event posters like this one. I was enjoying a pint and saw this beauty hanging on their event board. The event had already passed, I asked how much the poster was and they said, "Just take it." Keep your eyes peeled for beautifully designed posters and flyers! They make for some awesome, graphic, local, cheap, Cheap, CHEAP (!!!) art!

One of my favorites and it was SO EASY (and cheap!!!) to make. All you need is some basic, inexpensive cotton gauze fabric, string, a box of Rit dye and some kind of frame to stretch the fabric over (just stretch and staple to the back of the frame). You could easily build this for pennies. I bought mine on clearance at Michael's for a whopping $8. Here's a great post for inspiration and techniques!

Do you have any dirt cheap art projects that look like a million bucks? Share in the comments!

Dining Room Reveal!

First a reminder of where we began. Well really what’s not to love here? That stunning chandelier, that becoming shade of ivory, and I’m shocked (shocked!!!) more people don’t install carpet in their dining rooms! So we had just a few things to change here. 20 minutes later (give or take a few hundred hours) and here’s the finished product!

We now have dining room that I’m not ashamed to invite guests into. The floors were a vast, albeit painful, upgrade. The light fixture was a Pottery Barn find. The world map is one of the best thrift store scores I’ve had in a long while. I am certain it actually hung in an elementary school classroom at some point. You can’t see them in this shot but there are adorable little animal stickers on several U.S. cities – I’m assuming these marked all of the places that the students visited! The table was constructed by my dear husband from a thrifted old library door (the table top), purchased custom glass and regular ol’ plumbers piping for the legs (painted by moi). We have variations of that wall color throughout the rest of the house and the back wall is actually blackboard paint which I’ll change designs on periodically. What? You don’t have a blackboard wall yet?! Get to work! You will love it!

Just a few teeny tiny things might change here in the near future, the chairs being a big one. These are inherited and totally functional for the time being. Eventually I’d love to upgrade to something like this. Or what about something like this?!

On a completely unrelated note, one of my favorite design blogs just featured a home that I am completely and totally OBSESSED with! Take the tour HERE. It might just be the most adorable home I’ve ever seen. I’m moving in, stranger lady with impeccable taste!

A Multi-Phase Kitchen Renovation

Our kitchen has made major process in the past couple of weeks. Admittedly I was kind of in a love/hate relationship with the prospect of tackling this one. Okay, so I feel that way about every home renovation project we take on. But this one especially. Kitchen renovations are EXPENSIVE.

We immediately went to the house as soon as they handed us the keys. In the many, many weeks it takes to close on a house, you kind of forget what it even looks like. I remember walking into the kitchen and thinking “Those bastards. They shrunk the kitchen. It was not this small when the realtor showed it to us.”

Well part of the problem was that GINORMOUS breakfast bar. So ugly. SO huge. Such a waste of space. That had to go immediately.

We had been toying with the idea of getting new kitchen cabinets. The ones the house came with were, well, hideous. But there was just no way new cabinets were in the cards budget wise. Unless we wanted to live on Ramen Noodles for the rest of our lives. Secretly, my husband would probably love that.

We took a pretty big risk and decided to attempt to paint the crappy cabinets. I know. So brave. So fearless. The risky part was the colors we chose. We talked about doing something a little more subdued but opted for two pretty wild shades. We figured the moment we win the lottery we’ll have new custom cabinets installed anyway, so why not live a little in the meantime. 

We also popped on some new, much more modern hardware. They don’t even look like the same cabinets!

The most exciting update was without a doubt our new appliances. I’M BANANAS FOR OUR NEW APPLIANCES. I love them so, so much. The previous stove was electric so we did have to hire a plumber to come in and hook up the gas line.

Kitchen renovation phases 2-37 will include new floors, backsplash, countertops, dishwasher removal (we’re getting rid of it all together), new sink and faucet. Sooo basically everything else.

Also, we may need to thinking about paring down our knife collection a little. Creeps!!!

Adventures in Urban Gardening

This is not my garden. This is my dad’s garden. He is the master. My only hope in this urban gardening endeavor was that just one little sliver of a thumbnail of his green thumb was hereditary. Black thumbs crossed… but hopes not too high. I’ve killed a lot of houseplants in my day.

New house upgrade #3,472 was putting in a garden, and with all of this nice weather, I was not dreading it. We stocked up on supplies at our local Earl May. They were extremely knowledgeable and helpful PLUS they have a free popcorn machine. I’m a customer for life!

[Still not my garden]. We came away with A LOT of loot. Every kind of seed you can imagine – beets, spinach, onions, carrots, bok choy, peas, herbs, radishes, SO MUCH KALE (I’m not kidding, we eat three bunches a week, without exception.) And eight bags of a highly recommended compost and some fertilizer.

I put on my farming hat and we got to work!

The first step was peeling up a whole lot of grass with nice and strong established roots. Not quite as miserable as refinishing our wood floors… but pretty close. This took hours and lots of manual labor. Once we had our garden area all torn up, it was time to till the soil (research suggests you should do this in the fall… whoopsies.) We started the process with a hand operated tiller. That lasted about 8 minutes. We went to True Value and rented a gas powered tiller – 3 hours, $12, sooooooo worth it. Just FYI, pull the tiller backwards. Don’t push it forwards. We of course didn’t make this mistake for the first hour and almost pulverize all of our extremities under those sharp metal, turny blades. Nope, not us. Never.

Next we spread the compost mixture and tilled again, both directions, several times. We let the soil rest over a week before putting the seeds in.Okay fast forward to today. Now, this is NOT my dad's garden. And it happens to live in my backyard but truth be told it's not really mine either. Turns out my husband is the one with the greenest of thumbs. I knew I married him for a reason... well that and his CD collection.